Two of Us
by KrisCatherine
Summary: Sam's POV


Title: Two of Us

Author: Kris

Email: [KrisCatherine@stargatesg-1.com][1]

Rating:

Spoilers: POV

Category: 

Summary: Sam's thoughts.

Feedback: Always! Doesn't matter if it is on list or off J

Special Thanks:

Authors Notes: I still haven't seen as many episodes as everyone else hasn't, so I am working on the characters. I hope you all enjoy this, even if I don't get them correct. Oh and I was listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks while writing, it *s*, you will probably be able to tell.

Two of Us

Hello, it's me again. I am never really sure how to start writing one of these entries, if you may. I mean I am not some sappy teenage girl writing Dear Diary. But I can't help write this down. I know what you are thinking, the Major, the touch as nails person, that you all know and well love, I guess, well hey I do have feelings. I know I hardly ever show them, and well I am really trying to change that. 

I when I first was assigned to the SGC, I wasn't sure what to expect. Yes I was very nervous. Then I met Colonel O'Neill, well the idea crossed my mind that I would have to prove myself, to him. To make him see what kind of solider I could be, that the work I do is hard work, and shouldn't be taken for granted. After some time, all four of us became closer, we became like a family. 

I am not sure when it happened actually, but I think it definitely had to be some sort of clearing since the alternate reality thing. 

Yes, the alternate reality. 

You know I was kind of out of whack with that whole thing. Jack, (I can only call him that in here, where no one will ever read it, unfortunately), he kept asking me if I was okay. I think he kind of knew I felt something, he just wasn't sure what. So true to his nature he kept asking me, and asking me. 

Well let me start off from the beginning, that way I can everything down. Being who I am, leaving something is not an opinion. It would bother me until I fixed it. I know it's sad, this is only a journal. One that is getting rather filled up, at this rate I'll have to start to save all of these to disk.

I was sitting in the lab working on the latest, well I can't tell you, it's classified. Anyway, a airman came to notify me that the General wanted to see me in the conference room. So I went, needless to say I was shocked. She looked exactly like me, well except her hair, I haven't had long hair since high school.

I watched Jack, I am not sure why, but I wanted to know what his reaction was to this, to her. He was very concerned for her, he took more liberties with her then he should of, but that's just my opinion. I watched her sit next to him, to look at him, with this look of love, with respect, and something I am not sure of, still. This Samantha, (I feel funny calling her that, I mean its like I am talking to myself, but I am not, strange) and her Jack, must have been something more than just friends in her world. I find myself asking questions in my head, how did they meet? Did they work together first then date or was it something else. You know all those kind of, personal questions. But I wanted to know.

She said she couldn't imagine ever being in the military, well quite frankly I can't imagine not being in the military. I think that is probably because of the way I was raised, but it is also because I truly believe that what I am doing, what we are all doing matters. We are making a difference.

None the less, I still couldn't get over the fact that Jack was like, I am not sure, it's like he was always around her, in her room. It doesn't bother me, yeah right. It bothers me, I can admit that here, it really does. As much as I stay focused or try to, even when I really want to go to him for support, for anything, I don't. I have no idea why my mind won't let me, I know the rest of me wants to, almost needs to. I think that it's because of the regulations, the military. We are trained to rely on our team in battle, but out of battle, downtime, we aren't supposed to because it's against the regulations. You know I went through many years of college, got my doctorate, but I still don't understand that rule. 'What if' is running through my mind at this moment.

Well after the General dismissed them and us after the briefing, I went back to my lab. I mean why on earth do I always run? I saw the way he was looking from me to her, it was like he was trying to decide something. Well anyway I went back to my lab and tried to continue on what I was working on before. Notice I said 'try', I was too successful. Janet came in about an hour later. Thank god because I needed to try and talk to someone. I loathe being confused.

"Hey" Janet said as she came up from behind me. I didn't even hear her open the door and walk in. 

I said hello back, not really paying to much attention to anyone or anything. I guess I was too wrapped up in what was happening in my head.

"What's goin' on Sam? Are you okay?"

Of course I am all right Janet, I mean there is another me on base, who I might add as some sort of relationship with another Jack, one that is more than I'll ever have, and I am jealous of that. But yeah I am okay Janet. 

Okay maybe I am being a bit scarastic here, I'll blame it on stress.

I tell Janet I am sorry, and she understands. Then she left. Figures why am I always the one left alone? Maybe it's because I am always saying I am okay, that nothing is wrong, when there is really something wrong. I don't lean on anyone, trust anyone with what is going on with me emotionally. I try to talk to Daniel, he gets what I try and tell him sometimes, but it's not the same.

Well I can say I sat there for another hour or two before I decided it was time to go to my quarters. It was well after eight and everything seemed not to matter but sleep. So I packed up my work and shut off the lights. As I lock the door, I decide I am going to go see 'Samantha' and see how she is doing, on my way to my quarters. Well as I walk towards her door, I see jack coming out of her room. I am surprised, hurt, and a numerous other things, that well had no right to be in my head at the moment, but I couldn't help it.

I greet him, hidden under my mask. For some reason I am slipping back to what I told myself I would not do anymore. Why? Is now not the right time, is this a sign? I don't know. 

"Carter." He says, doesn't he know that I do have a first name, that I am a person under all this military humbo jumbo stuff? 

"I was thinking of going to see her..Samantha." I said to him. I really was going to go and see her. Maybe I would have the courage to ask those questions that where running through my head a while ago.

"Ah well I think she should be alone, after everything that has happened to her."

Well there was something between her and her Jack then. I want to know what happened to him, why he wasn't with her now, here. 

"Okay." I whispered, I knew he wouldn't hear me, but I said it anyway. Then turned on my heal and said my good byes to him.

I heard a strangled "Night Sir."

"Carter." He called me back again. He looked he needed to talk to me, my emotions and thoughts where running, I wanted to talk to him too. As he struggled with his words, he finally asked how I was doing with this 'twin' thing. This twin thing, I had to laugh, it was funny. 

"You got a few hours?" I said to him, I didn't really think he would accept. But he did. I was surprised, now what?

"Umm, that was my answer, Sir." Okay I am back to formalities and running away. Samantha didn't run away.

The next morning we went into a briefing with the General. We had to figure something out because Samantha was slowly dying, because of me. Great more guilt. So there we are sitting there in the conference room, and Kowalski comes in. The general lets him sit in on the briefing. I knew that he would want to help, it was enviable.

"Of course I'd help my best friend's wife." Wow, I have no clue what to say I am speechless. I look over at Jack, he is watching me, for some kind of reaction. He got it too, I looked at him, I am sure with an expression of shock, slowly turning to something else. I could feel the emotions going through my mind, and I can see them play across his features before we both went back to all business.

I spent the day working with Samantha on the power generator so that we could call up the Askar to destroy the gou'ld in her reality. It was a good plan, as long as it worked. I wish I could go with them though. But I know Jack will get things done, I trust him, I trust them all.

The day rolled on, we were almost done with the power generator, just a few more little calculations and it would be all set. I sat there on a stool next to Samantha, my curiosity growing every minute. I had to know, so I asked.

"So ah, Samantha." I started off, why was I stuttering?

"Yes Major…"

"Can I ask you something, well personal?" 

"Umm Sure, I guess."

I wasn't sure how to ask her what I wanted to know, I felt kind of weird, but I had to know. 

"Can I ask, how did you and Jack…umm…" I trailed off. I really didn't know how to word the rest, I was hoping that she would catch what I was asking.

She smiled at me, I knew she understood what I was asking. She also knew that I wouldn't outwardly say it either.

"You know, these military regulations, well, I will don't get them. I mean I couldn't live like you do here, with him."

"I am not sure I follow."

"Oh come on Major, how can you not?"

I know exactly what she is talking about, but I don't want to admit it, yet.

"In my reality Major, Jack and I, well we were very much in love. Everything we did, we did it together. We were best friends, partners, husband and wife. Major if I was here, doing what you are, I am sorry but I would have a very hard time being…alone."

Wow, well that's…just peachy. Great I am starting to sound like Jack too, just what I need. Although she has a point, I mean Jack and I are best friends, we do everything here on base together, we are partners, in ever aspect but one. When we are on downtime, we are either at his place or mine, although its mostly his. Why couldn't we take that extra step?

"You see what I am talking about?" She asked me. I guess she could tell by the expressions that crossed over my face when she was talking, that I recognized what she was saying.

"Yeah." Okay I broke down, if I couldn't open up to myself, then who? 

"Then there is something…" She says.

I agree again with her. But I don't look up at her, just fiddle with something on my lap.

"Major, if I have learned anything, it is not to waste any time, because time is something we never have enough of." She tells me as her face crumbles and she starts to cry.

I feel really bad for what happened to her Jack. I stand up and walk over to her and embrace her. I know what she is going through, believe it or not. I apologize to her for what happened, I know it probably won't help, but I had to say it anyway.

"Please Sam, if you feel this way towards Jack, then you have to take advantage of it, before it's to late."

I am surprised at the magnitude of the meaning of her words. I know she is right, especially in our field, where anytime minute could be our last.

So there I was full of courage, courage to go to Jack and tell him everything. I walked around with a huge smile on my face, until they left through the mirror. I could see that they were under fire, I could see the gou'ld coming down the hallway. Then I saw jack motioning for Daniel to cut the mirror off, which made me nervous, scared, and just about every other emotion. I am usually not like this, but then again I am usually right next to him, making sure he is okay. I understand fully what Samantha was talking about now. I miss him already.

After pacing in front of the mirror for what seemed like days, General Hammond stayed with me the entire time. Although he did tell me to go and get some food and rest. I didn't listen, I am glad he didn't push me too much. I wasn't leaving.

Suddenly the mirror came to life again, I stood there watching and waiting. General Hammond was right behind me. I saw Daniel and Teal'c and Jack. Samantha was standing there in front of jack, they were saying something, but I couldn't make it out. From my point of view, it was something personal, Jack smiled at something she said. I watched, even though I didn't want to. I didn't like where this was heading. I watched as she reached for his hands and laced her fingers with his. Wasn't that supposed to be me, not her. Yes I was getting jealous, my mood from before was long gone. I was beginning to think that he wasn't going to come back, that he might actually stay there with her. And I grew angry.

Samantha said something to Daniel and Teal'c then. I watched as Jack motioned for them to leave. I knew that motion well, I knew what it meant. Suddenly I look down at my hands, which were clasped in front of me. I was shaking. I couldn't help it. Then Daniel and Teal'c are back standing right in front of me, blocking me from my view. I view I might add, I couldn't tear myself away from.

The General was talking with Daniel and Teal'c now, I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying to them, but suddenly I was alone. I figured he sent them to see Janet. So there I stood, alone, watching Jack and Samantha.

I watched as he pulled her closer, ran his hands over her lower arms. They were whispering something now softly to each other. I watched closely, I was hurting. God it felt like my heart was being stepped on. I knew he would never see her again, but the fact still remained that he has seen some interest in her.

I saw his hand move slowly up to cup her left cheek as he leaned in and kissed her. I looked down at my hands again, I knew my eyes were filling with tears. This couldn't have been happening, just this morning she was telling me to tell jack how I felt, that I shouldn't waste any more time. 

I watch as the kiss deepens and I drag my eyes up to them again. I wish it was really me, I want to scream Jack I am right here, all you have to do is touch the mirror and I will be there. But I don't, and I watch him eventually pull away and come back to me, to us on the other side. 

Well my day couldn't have gotten worse, time to go see Janet and talk. I need to talk to someone, otherwise I have no idea what will happen.

   [1]: mailto:KrisCatherine@stargatesg-1.com



End file.
